My Name is Kaien
by Kashim Kururugi
Summary: AU: Instead of falling for the trap Aaroniero tried to lead her into, Rukia kills the ninth Espada before he can get a word out, but when she unleashes Kaien from the Espada's control what will happen? Will the Soul Reapers accept him? Will Kaien be able to control the demons inside him and most importantly... will Rukia be able to stop the past from repeating?
1. The Unexpected

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N I don't know what I'm doing! Noes. I'm on this major Kaien kick right now. He is currently my favorite character in all of Bleach and I just hated how it ended... so... I'm doing this. Bare with me here. Just bare with me.

XxXxX

At this place, at this time… she never expected to see him. He was a dead man, he was dead and she knew he was dead. Why? Because she had killed him. His blood was on her hands. Even though she had washed it away, she could still feel the slick cold feeling of it lingering on her skin.

Out of all her experience as a shinigami, that had been the worst of them all. Feeling that blood on her hands, being covered in _his_blood... it scarred her entire life. It was a big gaping wound that hadn't healed. Maybe if it had been somebody else's… if it had been somebody else's blood…

No.

She couldn't think that way… shouldn't think that way. It was wrong to think that way. What happened happened and nothing would ever change it. What was happening right now… him as the ninth espada… it was all a terrible nightmare. It had to be. He was dead, so it couldn't possibly be him lying unconscious on the ground before her.

When the espada asked her to come and speak with him, she instantly sensed a trap and decided to attack before he could get the upper hand and turn the fight around on her. She smashed him over the head and shattered what she thought was his skull, but it was something else, a tank full of skulls and then she saw _his_face.

Her heart stopped, she was sure of it. Her shaking hand reached out to touch his face, fingers gently trailing along his cheek. She didn't know she was holding her breath until she gasped. His skin was warm and very much alive.

The tears were rolling down her cheeks, before she even knew what emotion she felt. She didn't know how to feel if she wanted completely honest with herself, but the thing was she didn't _want_to be completely honest with herself. She wasn't strong enough to face this.

She sat beside his unmoving form; she didn't know what to do. Had she missed something? Was there a bigger picture she wasn't seeing? There had to be something bigger than this, because Kaien _wasn't_dead, he was right here.

His head lolled to the side and it appeared he may be waking up. He shifted and started to get up; it was a sudden move. He arms were around her and she was trapped in a crushing embrace.

"Kuchiki… you have to kill me." He begged in a raw voice and her blood ran cold. No. Not again. She couldn't. "I know how terrible it is to ask, but I'm not sure how much longer I can remain in control… Aaroniero, Metastacia, Kaien. I don't know who I am anymore."

"I can't." She cried. "I can't!"

"Please, you have to. You don't _understand_they want to do horrible things!" It felt to the both of them like this had happened before. It did happen before. It only registered to her, because he was only barely hanging onto control of himself and it was the last thing on his mind. Or what was left of his mind.

Little did he know she was determined not to let this happen, she wouldn't let it happen. No, never again. She reached up with one hand and tangled her fingers in his thick hair.

"I am sorry Kaien-dono…" There was a dull thud and his weight slumped against her, she'd had no choice, but to knock him unconscious once more. The first time she had intended to kill the _espada_, the knock out was unintentional, but now that she knew it was _Kaien_… she was torn.

On one hand, he was a slave to savage hollows and in agony. She should end his misery. A mercy killing just like the first time, but on the other she couldn't stand to relive it all. It would be the same way; she just couldn't do it again.

She knew she needed help, but everyone was fighting. What could she do? There was a lot of confusion, but one thing was for sure, she would _not_let it end the way it had before.

She held him in her arms, unwilling to let go now that she had him back. Her fingers ran through his hair in a soothing gesture. She glanced around the darkened room carefully, spotting the bits of broken glass glinting across the floor. What was that? Something that was hold Kaien? Something keeping him locked up and under control?

She didn't have answers, but they would figure this out.

"Rukia-san!" A voice shouted and she looked up to find Hanatarō with a squad of fourth division members and her brother, it was surprising to find them all there.

"Are you injured?" Byakuya asked, but paused when he when he noticed the figure sprawled out in front of her. "Rukia… please tell me exactly what is going on here."

"Nii-sama… its Kaien-dono… he needs our help."

"Shiba Kaien is an Arrancar?"

"I-" She didn't finish the sentence. She honestly didn't have an answer to that. "Nii-sama… please, please help."

Byakuya was silent, a very solemn look on his face. "Restrain Shiba Kaien and see to his injuries, take him back to the Seireitei. Once there, deliver him to the 12th where he will be held until Kurotsuchi-taichou can figure out exactly what is going on."

"Kurotsuchi-taichou?" Rukia asked with worry.

"There is no other choice, a war is going on. We do not have time to worry about an Arrancar." Byakuya said firmly. "You understand, do you not, Rukia?"

She looked down as they took Kaien from her and dragged him a short distance away to look him over, before preparing to take him back. It sent a painful stab through her heart. It felt as if she were abandoning him.

"I understand… Nii-sama." She whispered, holding a hand over her heart. She hoped this war would be over soon. For now she needed to focus, Inoue needed her.

XxXxX

TBC...

Drop me a review and let me know if you want me to continue. Good long detailed reviews help my ego and make my long hours of work seem worth it.


	2. One Foot in The Grave

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N I still don't know what I'm doing! Damn Kaien for being so... awesome. It's short because it looks like nobody is really reading.

XxXxX

In the dead of night she shot up from bed with a pounding heart. It had been several weeks since the defeat of Aizen and Ichigo losing his powers. With all of these things on her mind, she had been having the worst nightmares.

She quickly tossed her blankets off and dressed, before running off the 12th division. The night air was slightly chilly, making every puff of her panting breath fog as she ran. She needed to know it wasn't all a dream.

As she arrived, skidding to a stop she had time to think that Byakuya would be upset with her for running off in the middle of the night, before she decided she just didn't care. She had to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

The inside of the building was dark, but she entered regardless. She walked the long halls until she came to a stop in front of a cell. It calmed her to see him asleep in the room, but also disturbed her a bit. She shuddered as she remembered the horror of being able to hear him screaming from whatever Kurotsuchi-taichou did to him.

She wanted Kaien out of this place, she wanted to be by his side, but Kurotsuchi-taichou had concluded Kaien was too dangerous to be allowed out of his cell. Kurotsuchi-taichou's research revealed that Kaien was in fact Visored. He was a criminal now to Soul Society. He had been abandon by them, branded as a traitor.

It wasn't fair. He hadn't chosen to become a Visored, he hadn't chosen to get his body taken over by a hollow.

She set her hand against the cool glass; she couldn't just leave him like this. She had to do something that would get him out of here. Regardless of any trouble it might cause, she opened the door to his cell and stepped inside.

His form was slumped against the wall, asleep in a sitting position. He looked as if he were waiting for something, but then again… being stuck here with a mad scientist playing around with him why wouldn't he be?

She quietly kneeled before him and brought a hand up to his face, but she stopped short of touching him. He inhaled deeply and slowly lifted his head to stare at her.

"Kaien… dono…?" Rukia asked, but that grin that appeared wasn't his. She suddenly found herself on her back on the ground with him over her, chuckling darkly. She swallowed her fear and reached her hand up to his face. "Kaien-dono… I know you're in there."

He jerked his face to the side, gritting his teeth. He shook slightly with the effort it took to suppress the hollows inside of him, he reared back and slammed his back roughly into the wall, curling into himself and clenching his fists tightly.

She quickly got up and kneeled in front of him once more, cupping his face in-between her hands and trying to bring him back to his senses.

"Kaien-dono, please talk to me."

"Kuchiki…" His voice was rough. "What do you want me to say…?"

His words shocked her, they were dark. It wasn't Kaien at all, at least not the same Kaien she knew. This Kaien was broken. His spirit was broken.

"I… I held onto your heart while you were away… the heart between us… remember?" She asked holding up a fist in-between them where he could see it.

There was a silence, before he lifted his hand and set it over her fist. "Yeah… I remember."

"Please, talk to me, Kaien-dono. What's wrong?" She set her other hand over both of theirs, caressing the back of his knuckles gently.

"I don't… know who I am anymore." He looked away. "I've done very bad things, Kuchiki… very bad."

"Kaien-dono?" She was confused. "But… you weren't in control then… whatever you did back then wasn't your fault. You should let it go."

"I want to tell you to go… to get away… so I don't do bad things to you, but… I also want to be selfish… and beg you not to leave me alone here." He whispered.

"I'll stay." Rukia told him. "I'll stay right here with you. I won't leave, because I have faith in you… you won't let them have control and you would never do anything bad to me."

He didn't speak, only locked his eyes onto hers as she spoke. Maybe she had this faith in him, but he could barely control the two inside of him. They were constantly whispering to him, trying to take control. Telling him to do terrible, terrible things to the people he cared about and especially to Rukia.

The things they wanted to do made him want to vomit. Just thinking about it and the thing they wanted made him sick. He could feel the bile rising in his throat. The two inside him were evil things; pure evil he never thought could exist. Especially not inside of him.

His muscles locked up at a violent surge against his control and he gritted his teeth, pressing his palm against the cool tiled floor.

"Kuchiki… you need to go… before… I…" He grabbed a fistful of hair and struggled against them. Why was this happening to him? Why wasn't he dead? He should be dead.

Rukia hated seeing him in pain like this, it tore her apart. Reminded her of that day, this time she wouldn't run away only to come back too late. She inched closer to him and gripped the fabric of his uniform, lying head against his chest. She felt the sudden slack of his body.

His arms slowly came around her and she held still, waiting for whatever might come. Nothing happened. He didn't harm her or make any attempt to. It seemed this small gesture was a comfort to the both of them.

"I won't abandon you." She whispered into his chest and he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. They both in their silent way tried to convince themselves everything was alright; it wasn't.

Her weakness made her commit the ultimate taboo. She was sleeping with the enemy. Should he decide to slit her throat in the night remained to be seen. The only thing that was for sure was that this would be a very long night.

XxXxX

TBC...


	3. Out of White, Into Black

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N My God... if I keep going like this... this is gonna be a really long story. I already have several chapters done, but... I'm gonna wait to post the rest til I have a few more people reading. Just to tease you with my evil To Be Continued bits.

XxXxX

She was torn out of her dream when she realized she was asleep, she woke up and found herself curled against Kaien's chest still. He hadn't moved the entire night. She wondered if he had slept at all, but the most likely conclusion was that he had not.

"Kaien-dono… last night I thought about it. I'm going to figure out some way to get you out of this place." She said.

"Kuchiki… don't you go getting yourself into trouble because of me. Ya' hear?" He scolded lightly and it reminded her so much of their earlier days together.

"Kaien-dono?" Regardless of his scolding, she smiled.

"Thank you, Kuchiki… spending time with you last night… helped me remember some things." He said softly.

"I'm just glad I was able to help… I've felt so useless this entire time."

"You're not useless, Rukia. Don't ever say that you are." He cleared his throat as she looked up at him suddenly when he called her first name like that.

"I'm going to talk with Kurotsuchi-taichou." Rukia told him, she had to help. She couldn't leave him in this place any longer. It didn't matter if she got in trouble. "Will you be okay?"

" 'course I'm gonna be okay, ya' don't have to fuss over me so much ya' know?" He said, waving it off with a look that conveyed he was perfectly fine. He wasn't, but he didn't fell as lost anymore.

"Okay. I'll be back." She promised, before turning from the room and sprinting down the hall, she almost made it too…

"Kuchiki… did you really think I wouldn't notice you snuck in here?" Kurotsuchi asked from behind her, arms held behind his back.

"Kurotsuchi-taichou… I was here to see Kaien-dono." She told him firmly. She needed to stand strong and not fumble.

"I saw. I observed you actually… watching him try not to kill you in your sleep was quite the interesting spectacle…" Kurotsuchi informed and she looked up in surprise. He had… "Of course… he showed a great amount of restraint…"

"Then you saw for yourself, Kaien-dono isn't dangerous!" Rukia said abruptly and he turned his head to the side with that damn creepy grin she hated so much.

"He is more dangerous then you realize." There was a pause, and then. "However… I would like to run… a field test…"

"A field test?" She asked slowly, rolling the words around her tongue nervously, as if it were life and death. With this man, it probably was.

"Since you seem to want him out of here… I will turn him over to you. If he kills you, so be it, if he fights hollows well… he could be the perfect weapon."

"You can't use Kaien-dono like he's a Zanpukuto!"

"Can't I?" He asked her, smirking. "Are you going to take him out into the field with you? Or will he remain locked up here? I don't mind running more tests."

"I won't do that to him!" She shouted, well aware she was yelling at a captain.

"Very well." He picked up a drill from a tray near the door and moved to open the door to Kaien's cell, where he squeezed the trigger for it to stir and the motor to start running. He was going to-

"I'll take him!" She didn't have a choice.

"An excellent choice." He turned the drill off and dropped it back onto the tray. "I expect full reports of even the smallest details on his actions, behavior and reiatsu levels."

"I can take him, just like that?" Rukia asked cautiously. "Isn't he a criminal for having hollow powers?"

"I already spoke with the head captain. We decided this long before you came here last night." That bastard had tricked her into agreeing to this!? "One more thing… you will give him a full dose of this every night." He handed her a syringe filled with a disturbingly blue liquid. "It will suppress the hollows inside him."

"Suppress them?" _Suppress_… that word… it sent a sudden thought to her heard. She knew somebody that could help Kaien-dono. The only problem was getting him there.

"Yes, I've had plenty of time to experiment with what does and doesn't work." He answered and she cringed at the thought. "Now… go on. I don't have all day."

She pressed her lips together in a thin line to prevent the lines she wanted to say as he turned his back and walked away. She stepped over to the door.

"Kaien-dono… you can come with me-" She barely had time to finish the sentence when she saw him charge at her, she quickly slammed the door shut and winced at the hard thud as he hit it. She leaned her back against the door and closed her eyes. "Kaien… dono…?"

She was met with silence. Seconds ticked by, she was about to call to him again.

"I'm sorry…" He said guiltily.

"Are you okay now?" She waited again for a response.

"Yes." He answered. She opened the door carefully this time and found him sprawled on the floor awkwardly. He gave an equally awkward smile. "So… Kuchiki… what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"How can you joke at a time like this?" Even though she scolded him, she was so happy to hear him joking like that again. She had missed him so much.

"Ah, come on now. Why do you have such a serious look on your face?" He forced himself up from the floor, holding his head.

"I know somebody that can help you control the hollows inside." Rukia said, kneeling in front of him and looking at him seriously.

"Someone that can help?" He asked, seeming a bit more serious now. Only a bit.

"Yes, except we have to get to the human world for you to meet him." She informed and he nodded slowly. "Which means… I have to keep you on your best behavior."

"Me? Please, I'm an angel." He scoffed, there was humor in his voice… and yet… it was so distant and far away. "I'm really trying, Kuchiki. It's so hard."

"I know Kaien-dono." She offered her hand to him to help him up and he took it, standing with her and looking down.

"Since when did _you_ become _my_ guardian?" He asked with an odd look on his face. She would have been concerned… except… he flicked her nose and strode on ahead of her. "Okay… let's get going then, Kuchiki! Time is wasting!"

She blinked and rubbed at her nose. Kaien was certainly back, but this was only the beginning.

XxXxX

TBC...


	4. The Forest and The Half Hollow

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N I love how this chapter turned out. It turned out perfectly the way I wanted.

XxXxX

Rukia really didn't think that this situation could be anymore unexpected. Here she was on patrol, Kaien right on her heels. It felt like back then. It felt like old times, him wearing black instead of white. If only he wouldn't have attacks which would require injecting him with God only knew what.

He was rather quiet today. He hadn't said much, which was unusual for him, but she knew exactly why he was that way. He missed Miyako. She herself also missed her. Miyako had always been such a warm and beautiful person. Having Kaien back was a constant reminder of Miyako.

A sudden gasp escape Rukia and she skipped to a stop, causing Kaien to accidentally slam into her back and knock them both over.

"Hey, pay attention, will ya'?" He asked, voice muffled by the fact that his face was in the grass. She could only look at him. "Kuchiki? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

Kaien was living with the hollow that had killed his wife _inside_ of him. She felt so horrible, how terrible was it to have that thing living inside him, constantly trying to take over? How could he stand it? No wonder he hadn't be acting like himself, he was in agony. How could he hide it so well?

"Kaien-dono… I didn't know… I didn't think about it…"

"Think about what?" He was completely confused; setting his hands on her shoulders as if to check for some sort of head injury to explain what was going on.

Did she dare speak such a terrible thing? "That you're living with the same hollow…"

He realized what she meant and he looked down, hands falling from her shoulders. It hurt, of course it hurt. "Kuchiki… please… don't."

**_Are you thinking about me…? _**A sick twisted voice asked and his eyes widened. No. Not now. **_No matter how hard you fight me… I will get that little girl… and devour her just like your wife. I'll make you watch._**

"No, no, no. Shut up!" He shouted abruptly, it startled Rukia and she wasn't sure what to think for a moment.

"Kaien-" She reached out but he pulled away from her, backing up. She met his panicked eyes and knew exactly what he was thinking before he did it. He bolted; ran away from her faster than she ever saw him run before. "Kaien-dono!" She shouted.

Rukia knew she had to go after him, if anyone found out about this there would be trouble for him. He would be locked up again and she was desperately seeking to keep him away from that terrible place.

She ran the same way she saw him go, the trees got thicker and the path disappeared. The forest's creatures had all gone silent by now.

"Kaien-dono!" She called, as one would call to a lost puppy or something of the like. "Kaien-dono!"

She didn't understand why he had done such a stupid thing, running away like that. It was so wreck-less, she couldn't believe it, but… then again… Kaien… was known for wreck-less behavior. It shouldn't have surprised her at all.

"Kaien-dono, _please_." She whispered. "Please! Please, come back!"

She was terrified, he was gone and she couldn't find him anywhere. Her heart pounded and her stomach twisted into a knot, clenching painfully in fear of never seeing Kaien again. She gripped the hilt of her Zanpukuto tightly, needed support.

_Sode no Shirayuki… what should I do?_ She asked her Zanpukuto.

_Call for Nejibana, Rukia-sama. I will hear his reply._ Shirayuki replied softly to her master.

_Call… for Kaien-dono's…_ "Nejibana… where are you?" She asked meekly, unsure of calling out to a Zanpukuto that didn't belong to her in anyway.

"Here." A voice said from behind her. She jumped back with a shout and slammed her back into a tree and before she could move there was a weight there pressing her against the coarse bark.

"Kai-" She was cut off.

"Wrong…" The hollow in possession of Kaien sang, grinning madly.

"Which one are you?" She asked, swallowing hard as he pressed his body up against hers.

"Does that matter?" It asked her, cackling and licking his lips. "I'm going to devour you, little girl. You'll be so delicious…"

As the hollow spoke, she felt him shudder against her as if he could taste her fear. He pressed up against her and she understood that Kaien was serious when he said they wanted to do terrible things to her. She pressed her hands against his chest and shoved hard and somehow managed to catch him off guard, she ducked under him, but he regained his senses and she was on her back on the ground with him above her.

His eyes widened and his breath grew ragged. "You… bitch!" It shouted realizing she had stabbed him in the abdomen with the syringe. She quickly shoved him until he fell onto his back, muscles locking up as he squirmed on the ground, unable to control the spasms.

He stilled suddenly, no longer moving and she moved to check on him, setting a hand on his face gently as he laid there.

"Kaien-dono?" She breathed softly.

"Kuchiki…" He said, voice rough. "Thanks for kicking my ass."

She leaned down and embraced him tightly.

XxXxX

TBC...


	5. A Moment of Light

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N This is quite interesting to write. Stayed up extra late for this one. Not my most popular story, but, meh. I like it so... I shall write it. It's a little hard, because since I love their relationship as is, but I would have liked to see a little more from it.

And hold your horses guys, Kaien isn't going to be like "Hey, Rukia! Guess who's dead! Start stripping."  
Me: Isn't that right, Kaien?  
Kaien: Damn right. (nods in agreement)  
Me: But once things settle down I promise they will have moments. :T onto the story.

XxXxX

His quiet demeanor remained, but of course he still occasionally made a joke and got upset when she didn't think it was funny. How could she think anything was funny at a time like this in the first place?

"Kuchiki…" He began. He was leaning his back against a tree, while she stood a short distance away. They had been taking a short break, since she had been on patrol all day. "What's the point in being depressed?"

She glanced over at him as he spoke. "I don't understand…"

"You run around acting as if the world is ending. I won't be depressed about all this, what good is it going to do? Maybe I'm feeling a bit off, but I'm not going to let it beat me. You shouldn't either." He picked at some blades of grass. "Being depressed Miyako back… she wouldn't want to see me like this… wouldn't want to see you like this either."

"…" She didn't have any words for him, so he just kept talking.

"Being depressed… won't change the situation… we might as well make the best of it." Teal eyes focused on the blade of grass between his fingers, before they rose to meet hers when she didn't answer him. "Kuchiki?"

"I'm sorry, Kaien-dono."

"You know something that I still feel guilty about?" He asked and looked from her face to the grass then back again. "Miyako and I had an arranged marriage and… I loved her, but… I don't really know if I was ever in love with her. Is that horrible of me?"

Her jaw almost hit the ground at his words, but she didn't speak, because she didn't know what exactly to say to him.

"I… don't think you're horrible… Kaien-dono." She told him, clearing her throat.

"We're friends aren't we?" He asked more seriously and she blinked in surprise at his words. All of this… it stirred something inside she had managed to suppress all those years ago. "My memory is all fragmented, but… I think I remember my brother… and my sister? Do you think you could take me there so I can see them?"

"I wanted to do that from the beginning, but… I already received orders not to let you near them, because… hollows eat those they loved…" She said softly, looking down.

"Oh, I see…"

"I'm sorry."

"Why? You didn't make the rules." He leaned his head back against the tree and sighed deeply. "Besides, I'm the charming vice-captain Shiba Kaien. I'll find a way."

A way to what? She wondered. His firm resignation to honor those words filled his voice; she knew that if he said it like that it was true. He was Kaien-dono, he would find a way somehow.

"Hey," His voice breaking the silence again drew her from her thoughts. "You said you knew somebody that could help…"

"Yes, but we have to have you on your best behavior, remember that he lives in the human world and there's no way that the captain-commander would even think about letting you go there unless he's sure you can be trusted." Rukia said, but with his outbursts, she wondered if it would be safe. She didn't want to endanger her friend's or Kaien-dono. He would have to be kept under complete control.

"Then I'll just have to figure a way to earn his trust, huh?" There was that tone again. Kaien was determined to do this. For Rukia's sake, because he was absolutely sure, that if he didn't get these hollows under control soon… they really would devour her.

He wanted to see his family again, he wanted to start living his life again. Of course he knew things would be different, of course he deeply despised and hated himself for harboring that monster inside him, but he couldn't let it show. He had to be strong.

He had told Rukia that depression was pointless and it was completely true. He had to keep himself from falling too deep into the darkness, because if he did, the hollows would win and he couldn't allow it. He had failed the first time to defeat the hollow, but he fully intended to do it this time.

**_You really expect to defeat me? The ninth espada? I earned the title for a reason, oh great Shiba Kaien. _**The hollow mocked him and he scowled deeply, damn it. **_You may have your body back, but your soul belongs to me._**

_My soul belongs to myself, bastard. I'm going to destroy you. That I swear._

**You just wait! I'll escape and that pretty little girl you love so much will be the first one I kill! Then I would take your brother, your sister and your friend the weak captain and eat their souls as well!**

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, damn this hollow. The hollow was laughing now, gloating at his ability to anger the shinigami. _I. Won't. Let. You. _He finished firmly, he had heard enough, he focused his reiatsu in attempted to shut it up.

"Kaien-dono?" He heard Rukia say in worry. He looked up to see her closer to him than earlier, slight fear in her eyes at the thought of him losing control again. Of course she was afraid, who wouldn't be after what the hollow had almost done to her.

"There's that look again. Didn't Byakuya ever tell ya' if you keep makin' that face it'll stay that way?" He attempted to color this black and white sadness. "Or maybe it is stayin' that way and yer stuck, ehh?"

He set both hands on either side of her face and she fell back in shock. She let out a shocked yelp and he gave her a mischievous grin, which in turn made her blush and look away.

"Why do you always do that whenever I get near you? Sheez." He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. Rukia sat up slowly and they were both right across from one another, if he reached out his hand he would be able to touch her. Her cheeks were still tinted with the slightest color. He smiled softly, even the slightest gestures made him forget about the darkness.

Sitting underneath the tall trees on the hill, with a setting sun, they were able to forget the world for just a little while and enjoy the light from one another that cast away the inner darkness.

XxXxX

TBC...


	6. In a Dark, Dark Room

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N For this... I only have three words... poor Byakuya-niisama. :T

XxXxX

It was late at night, in the darkness of their shared room she could see him staring up at the ceiling lost deep in thought. She didn't want to speak or say anything to alert him to the fact that she was awake in order to let him work things out in his head.

They were tied together twenty four hours a day every day she wanted him to have a little space and time to himself. He needed it. He really did have a lot to think about; the fact that he was still awake and had pushed himself to the corner of the room as far away from her as he could get proved that much.

Through the darkness she watched as he brought a hand slowly up to rub at the sides of his aching head for some sort of relief from the agony. They were lucky to be in the Kuchiki manor (of course not by Byakuya's own free will, the captain-commander ordered Kaien to be by her side at all times) because otherwise his screams and cries of horrid, agony when the hollows tried to overtake him would be heard and talked about by everyone.

Here it was at least safe for him to let it out. The servants wouldn't speak a word about it to anyone, but it was clear they were terrified. It made her feel sorry for him, even if she didn't want to, because she knew that it hurt to have people afraid of him.

He rolled onto his side and pulled his pillow over his head. She heard his muffled whine and her heart sank. She quietly got up and opened the drawer where she kept the syringes, before kneeling besides him on the floor.

"Kaien-dono." She carefully set her hand on his shoulder and he peeked out at her from under the pillow, seeing the syringe, he nodded, not having a protest. The pain was too much.

She pulled his blanket back a bit and gripped his forearm; she slid the needle past his skin and injected the stinging blue liquid into his veins. It would ease his pain for the time being. It took a few minutes; before she watched his muscles that had been so tense relax.

She pulled his blanket back up and took his pillow to put it back under his head where it belonged, before stroking her fingers through his dark hair, trying her best to calm him and ease his agony. It would seem he was out of it for now. He should be since that dose was extra strong to help him sleep through the night.

After spending an hour sitting there beside him, she assumed he was asleep and made to get up, but his hand stopped over, catching her wrist. She glanced down to meet his eyes, but he let go of her, seemingly regretting his action.

Regardless she could see it in his eyes. He didn't want her to go, but he also didn't want to be selfish and make her stay. He offered a smile in apology.

"Sorry… I wasn't thinking straight there for a minute. Heh." His voice was weary and he was clearly worn out. He rolled over to face the wall and stare in silence at the darkened wood. He heard her small footsteps departing back to her bed and after that it was silent.

He lay still for a while, before rolling onto his back once more and again staring up at the high dark ceiling. He caught Rukia move out of the corner of his eye, noticing she wasn't asleep. When he heard the quiet sniffle she tried to conceal he was up and across the room before she could hide.

"What's the matter, Kuchiki?" He asked, kneeling beside the bed with a worried expression on his face at seeing her tears.

"It's… my fault… Kaien-dono…" She whispered, wiping the tears away and attempting to turn from him, but he simply set a hand down on her shoulder to keep her from moving. "I thought I was ending your pain… keeping your body from the hands of the hollow… but instead you ended up like this."

"What? Kuchiki…" He said, shaking his head with a soft sigh. "Rukia… none of this is your fault. None of it. You didn't do anything wrong. If anyone is to blame it's the hollow."

"Kaien-dono…" She wanted to protest his words, but knowing better from the look he gave her went silent. He wiped the tears away gently and smiled.

"Now, now, Kuchiki… what did I tell you about making faces?"

"Kaien-dono, I'm being serious!" She whined and immediately knew that mischievous look on his face meant trouble. For her.

"I'll show you serious!" He informed overly loud, tickling his fingers along her sides and making her squirm under his assault.

"Kaien-dono!" She yelped, laughing and crying all at the same time. She couldn't understand how he could always do such silly things at the most serious of times.

"No, you know you like it!" He defended, unrelenting. "Didn't I ever tell you that not only am I a master shinigami and vice-captain, but also an expert in the art of tickling?!"

"Kaien-dono, please!" She was laughing to the point she was no longer crying and her sides ached. "You are killing me!"

"Best death ever then, huh? Being killed by such a handsome guy like me." He teased and jumped up onto the bed to continue his attack with a better vantage point. "Now there's no escape, Kuchiki! Say your prayers!"

"No, no, no! Kaien-dono!" She laughed, trying to curl up and hide her ticklish sides, but was unsuccessful. "It's not fair! Get off me. You're too big!"

"I'm not big, you're just a midget and I shall use it to my advantage!"

"No!"

Unbeknownst to them Byakuya sweat dropped as he walked by the room, stopping only for a moment, before casually walking off and withholding the urge to break the door down and strangle Shiba Kaien with his bare hands.

XxXxX

TCB...

A sort omake

In a burst of spiritual pressure the door broke open and they both looked up at Byakuya.

"Nii-sama?" Rukia asked from beneath Kaien, it was obviously a position that looked very wrong. Of course what elder brother wouldn't get that look on his face walking in with some man sitting on his sister's bed, let alone some man he really didn't have a liking for.

Byakuya simply drew his zanpukuto, which in turn made Kaien's eye twitched.

"Ehhhh... Byakuya, you're not gonna..."

"Scatter Senbonzakura."

Fin. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and the omake. Stayed turned for the next chapter.


	7. Learning To Let Go

Disclaimer: Don't own this.

A/N I have had a very odd week. So... it took me awhile to write this all out, but... here it is. I still don't get why I don't get many reviews. Maybe I just suck. :T well... anyway... I'm happy with this story so that's all that matters.

XxXxX

That next day Rukia was on patrol and of course Kaien was with her, staying on her tail. Although right now he was a little too close for comfort, so she stopped and he just about ran into her again, but he was getting used to her sudden stops.

"Kaien-dono… what are you doing…?" She asked cautiously.

He deadpanned. "Dunno. What am I doing?"

"I have that feeling you're planning something… you have that look on your face…"

"Don't I always have that look on my face?" He asked, waggling his eyebrows and she facepalmed. Of course.

"I didn't mean you're good looking!"

"Ahh!" He gasped and set a hand over his heart, sinking. "My pride."

She sighed quietly; he was still as goofy as ever. She was about to reprimand him for messing around so much, before she sensed something. "Kaien-dono…"

"I felt it too." He commented, becoming serious.

All of a sudden a hollow burst out from the thick bushes of the forest and came charging at them, Rukia drew Sode no Shirayuki and Kaien set his hand on Nejibana. This bull like hollow snorted and kicked his hoof, stirring up dust, before he yowled and charged at them again.

"Damn, it's fast." Kaien said, barely making it out of the way. He drew Nejibana, and noticed Rukia flash-step beside the hollow and slash down its side. She really had turned into a courageous and confident woman. He was proud.

The hollow made a sudden unexpected turn when Rukia thought it was down and it turned its head suddenly and tossed her roughly along the ground.

"Kuchiki!" He shouted, hoping also to draw the hollow's attention and get it after him, however there was a startled yell and he looked over to find two young children. His eyes widened, what were those kids doing out here?

Worst of all the hollow had heard them and he turned straight at them and charged, Kaien had to move fast. He barely had time to knock the two kids out of the way before the hollow slammed into him and took them both through the wall into an old building.

"Kaien-dono!" Rukia yelled, but she moved to check the children first. "Are you both okay?" The terrified kids nodded with tear filled eyes. "Quickly. Run home!"

The kids bolted and she ran through the hole in the building and glanced around in the darkness, having trouble seeing. "Kaien-dono?"

She was met by silence and she became increasingly worried. "Kaien-dono?!"

"Here…" He coughed out, covered in rubble and dust. "What… the hell… was up with that thing? And… Kuchiki you're bleeding."

"Don't worry about me. You're hurt worse." She said, wiping the blood away from the cut on her cheek from where the bull hollow's horn scratched.

"It's just a little scratch." He brushed off. "I've had worse… are the kids safe?"

"They're fine." She replied, now attempting to use her sleeve to wipe the blood out of his eyes, but he struggled with her, he didn't want her fussing over him.

"I wonder where that hollow came from." He muttered as she helped him stand and they headed outside. He didn't notice the odd look in her eyes.

Both blinked in surprise when they came face to face with a small squad of Shinigami that were all over the area.

"What's going on?" Rukia asked.

"Vice-captain, Kuchiki… we were tracking down a hollow." One man said. "It seems you've taken care of it already."

A couple of the Shinigami in the back stepped forward, hands still on the hilt of their zanpukutos as if they were waiting for something. They were eyeing Kaien in an odd way and it worried Rukia greatly, she hoped they didn't do anything drastic.

"Former vice-captain, Shiba." Another man acknowledged.

Kaien cautiously glanced around at the squad of men. He could see the greed in their eyes and he knew exactly what they were thinking. They had been the ones the chase the hollow into this place towards the people and they were all worried that Rukia was going to report what they had done to the captain-commander.

"As you can see everything is under control now. You can get back to your own patrol route." Rukia said calmly, with that she turned away and continued on their patrol. Kaien followed close behind.

"I know you don't want anyone in trouble, but… those guys are trouble… I think you should report them to the captain-commander." He commented.

"I know." Rukia replied and he frowned. Why was she sounded this way? He had never heard her take on this tone before.

"Kuchiki?" He blinked in surprise and she kept walking, so he stepped up and grabbed her arm to spin her around and face him. "What's going on?"

She pressed her hands hard against his chest and pushed him away suddenly and it left him completely in shock.

"I thought I lost you again!" She shouted at him, tears falling now. He stepped forward and tried to wrap his arms around her to comfort her, but she slammed her fists against his chest and beat at him to keep him away. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and held her anyways.

She eventually ran out of energy to keep hitting him and settled for digging her fingernails into his skin through his uniform while she sobbed into his chest. He tightened his arms around her and held her tighter against him, hoping it would sooth her tears.

**_Look what you do to her. You make her suffer._**The voice in his head taunted and he fought against it, no not now. He couldn't lose control right now. Damn this bastard for playing with his mind and changing it so he didn't know who or what he was anymore.

"I'm not going anywhere." Kaien said softly, before letting go of her and taking a step back. He brought a hand up and brushed her tears away. "No more crying, everything is alright."

"Kaien… dono… I…" She carefully set both her hands along his forearm as she pushed his hand back slightly. His sleeve was pulled back, revealing his clan's mark and that small sight reminded her of their innocent days together. Neither of them were the same as they were back then.

She slid one hand down until she reached his hand and made a fist between them, folding her fingers over his closed hand. His lips twitched up into a slight smile. They stood there in silence for a moment or two, before she stepped back and let go of his hand, looking down at the ground.

"Kaien-dono… I'm sorry…" Rukia started and he knew that tone of voice.

"Hey, don't start with your regrets… it's not your fault about this inside me and it isn't your fault for stabbing me. I threw myself onto your sword, you didn't kill me, I killed myself. There's no reason for you to harbor any guilt. Got it?"

"But-"

"But nothing, drop it, Kuchiki. Let go of it. Just let go now. Please... for me? Besides… you're handsome and stunning vice-captain is back now and there's nothing to worry about anymore!" He laughed heartily, he paused when there was a small tug at his sleeve, he looked down.

"Shiba-sama… Kuchiki-sama…" A little girl said cautiously, with what appeared to be her older brother behind her, both appeared to be afraid. "Thank you… for saving us."

"It's not a problem. That's what big strong Shinigami like us are here for after all." He laughed and gave them a large grin.

Both children seemed to be amazed by the two Shinigami and it almost brought Rukia back to a simpler time in life.

"Is it true you have a hollow inside you?" The girl's brother asked suddenly and Rukia watched as Kaien froze. It must have hurt to hear those words and have children afraid of him. He loved children so much.

"Well it's a long story, but don't worry. Old Shiba has that hollow numbered. Now… run along home and be more careful next time." Kaien told them and they thanked them once more, before running off quickly.

"Are you…. Okay?" Rukia asked, stepping forward again and he smiled.

"Fine, Kuchiki. Wipe that look off your face. We've got a patrol to continue." He said and she nodded. He was right, they couldn't linger here forever.

XxXxX


	8. Lies and The Human World

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N Work was murder over the weekend and I am honestly shocked I had time to finish this chapter, but here it is. I really enjoyed working on this and how it is affecting Rukia and Kaien. It's going to get a bit more intense here with how it's messing with their heads.

XxXxX

Rukia quickly ran down the hallway to the captain's office, with Kaien on her tail. She had been summoned for a mission and Kaien… well… Kaien was just along for the ride since he wasn't allowed out of her sight with nobody in all of Soul Society knowing what to do with him.

She skidded to a stop in front of the door and entered slowly. "I'm here." She panted.

"There you are. I have a mission for you. In the world of the living. There's been an outbreak of hollows and they need you." Ukitake informed.

"What about Kaien-dono… I can't just leave him here."

"No, you can't. That's why he's going with you." He replied and Rukia went silent. She wasn't so sure that was a good idea, he seemed to notice the look on her face. "Unless there's something you need to tell me… the hollows haven't done anything have they? Rukia?"

She swallowed and looked her captain right in the eye "No, taichou." and lied to him. As she said those words she could feel Kaien's gaze burning a hole through her back.

"Then it shouldn't be a problem."

"When do we leave?" She asked, trying to keep her voice normal, but it cracked slightly and it didn't go unnoticed.

"In a few hours… Rukia… are you sure everything is alright?" Instead of waiting for a reply, Ukitake looked directly at Kaien. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Not that I'm aware of, taichou." Kaien said more firmly then Rukia had managed. He had just lied because of her. To keep her from trouble and now it made her feel even worse.

"I see." He glanced between the two of them, before nodding. "Dismissed."

The two of them left and once they were far enough down the hall he decided to ask. "Why did you lie?"

"He would have reported it and they would send you back." Rukia said and he sighed deeply. "Is there anything you need to take before we go?"

"No. I'm ready to go." He replied. "So… Kuchiki… what's the human world like anyways?"

"You'll see."

"Ohhh, a mystery… I like it."

They stepped through into the human world and it was relatively late at night there. So being late as it was it was mostly quiet.

Kaien looked around slowly; he seemed indifferent about the location. He stepped out into the road and turned just in time to see the giant beast coming at him. He had never seen such a horrifying creature before! It must have been some type of hollow hybrid!

"Whoa, what the hell!" He shouted, jumping back as he went right through him and he slapped his hands against his chest to check for injuries. He stopped when he heard Rukia burst out laughing at him and his antics.

"Kaien-dono… it's just a car."

"A car?" He asked, confused while staring after the vehicle with its red taillights disappearing into the dark.

She nodded and tried to keep from laughing farther. "Humans use it for transport."

"Oh…" He rubbed the back of his head. She stepped forward to pull him along with her; the first stop would be Urahara's place.

"Ahh, Kuchiki-san, I knew it was your reiatsu-" Urahara's excited and overly playful voice went dead silent when he saw the two of them in his doorway. "So it's true. Shiba Kaien is alive."

"Surprise." Kaien said, holding his hands up with a shrug.

"Interesting…" He stepped forward and before he could poke or prod Kaien, Rukia stepped in between them and held her hands up.

"He's been experimented on enough, leave him alone." She warned. "Look, we're staying here and I also need a body for him."

"Oh? How long will you be staying?" Urahara asked, stepping back and waving his fan in front of his face, hiding the mischievous grin.

"I'm not sure yet." Rukia replied cautiously. She knew he was up to something and she didn't like it one bit. "So… you can help us out?"

"Of course I can. Just give me until tomorrow morning and I'll have one all set up for you both. If I could just do some measurements…" He trailed and she facepalmed. Of course. He had to get his hands on Kaien somehow.

With a goofy grin, Kaien set a hand on her shoulder. "It's fine, Kuchiki. I can handle that. Besides… I'm sure nothing Urahara does could be as horrible as what I went through."

"I wouldn't beat on it." Rukia muttered lowly.

Several hours later when Rukia was getting ready for bed in the spare room, Kaien stumbled in, completely disheveled and disoriented.

"I warned you." She told him absently, still getting things ready.

"So you did." He replied, clearing his throat and running a hand back through his hair so it would fall back into place. Most if it did. There was a long drawn out silence and she furrowed her brow.

"Kaien-dono?"

"… You… have my shots right…?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes." She turned around to find him holding his forearm and his hand twisted around as if it wasn't of his own free will. She could guess it wasn't. She reached into the bag she brought with and pulled out a vile and a syringe.

He held his arm out and she rolled back his sleeve quickly, pressing the needle past the skin into his vein and watched as he exhaled slowly and released his arm.

"Thanks, Kuchiki…" He said quietly and it seemed as if he was embarrassed having to have her here helping him with this all the time. He probably was.

She wanted him to feel better. "I'm happy that there is something I can help you with. I don't feel like I've been of any help to you at all."

"You've done more than I could have ever asked or expected from anyone." He told her firmly as he rolled his sleeve down. He glanced up and set his hand on her head, ruffling her hair with a grin.

"Kaien-dono." She sighed, before turning to the bed and picking up the horror manga she planned to read before.

"Anyway… how do you stand it here with Urahara when you're on assignment?" Kaien asked and she froze at his words. He didn't know she normally stayed with Ichigo, but wasn't this time because there was no way there was enough room there for Kaien.

"Well… I do." She lied, why did she lie to him? She didn't even have an answer; it just came out before she had a chance to think. It dug at her mind like a sharp pick, why did she lie? Kaien wasn't one who would get upset over where she chose to sleep during her missions.

He would understand, she knew he would understand. No… that wasn't true… she wasn't exactly sure what his reaction might be. Kaien wasn't exactly himself lately. The old Kaien wouldn't care; it wouldn't faze him, but this Kaien she didn't know that well.

There was an awkward silence and she wondered what the expression on his face might be, because it was obvious he had sensed something was wrong. He always knew.

"Kuchiki…?"His voice trailed and she knew he wanted to ask something, just not exactly what he might want to ask. "You know I'm here for you if you need to talk…"

"Kaien-dono… I'm fine. I promise." She quickly changed the subject. "Tomorrow I'll take you to meet Ichigo."

"Ahh, there's that name again." He said, rubbing his chin in thought.

"Ichigo is… unorthodox, but…" she smiled slightly. "he's really amazing."

"Oh?" He stepped up from behind her and looked over her shoulder. Which wasn't unusual for Kaien to do, but… it was in the way he had done it that was unusual. His reiatsu had a trace of hollow in it normally now, but it felt faintly stronger. Was that why?

"Yes." She replied and quickly turned to look up at him. The black had reached the corner of his left eye, but it went no farther.

"Well… I'm gonna catch some rest so I can be up early to meet this Kurosaki Ichigo then." He stated, backing up as if he knew he was making her uncomfortable. Which he probably did.

It was one of the things that had changed. The old Kaien loved to tease her and if he made her nervous or blush then it was an added bonus and he would keep at it, but this Kaien backed off constantly. She knew he believed she was afraid of the hollows inside.

To some extent she was, but at the same time she wasn't. She grabbed his sleeve quickly at the sudden thought.

"Kaien-dono… I could never be afraid of you." She promised and he looked back and offered her a small smile in return. Her words offered him what he needed in this dark time. They offered what he didn't have. Assurance.

XxXxX

TBC...


	9. Meetings

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N No comment. :T

XxXxX

She hadn't slept at all that night. Kaien's screaming nightmares had seen to that, his cries and whimpers of pain lasted all night long. So much so to the point Urahara had stayed up late and crafted something to ease his pain.

In all her time she had never seen Urahara give such a sympathetic look to anyone. He even offered to look at the medication they had given him to see if he could make it more effective and less painful. For once she was grateful to Urahara.

"Kaien-dono, what are your nightmares about?" Rukia asked, looking over the horizon from the top of the house they sat on.

"Bad things." Was his simple reply, while he tossed a small rock to see how far it would go; it thunked against another roof and rolled down onto the sidewalk.

"Maybe if you talk about it…?" Deep down she was afraid of what he might say. She was afraid to hear about the bad things he had done. She didn't want to know, but at the same time she did.

He shrugged and tossed another rock. He was in that despondent mood again. She didn't like it when he acted this way.

"Kuchiki I..." He looked down and paused. "I really… don't know… who I am anymore. It's all so confusing… all these memories… am I really Shiba Kaien? Is that my name?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but went silent. Was he? She didn't have an answer for him, because she wasn't sure either.

"You are… Shiba Kaien…"

"You don't sound so sure." He said quietly, before tossing another rock a little harder. He was frustrated, of course he was. Who wouldn't be in this situation?

"No. I know you are." She said, a bit more firmly.

"Do you? Or do you just want to believe I am?"

"No. It isn't like that at all!" She yelled at him and he was a bit taken aback. "If you weren't Kaien-dono… I would have killed you back there."

He stared at her in silent contemplation, before nodding. "I see. So you really think I'm Shiba Kaien then…" She slowly looked at him and their eyes met and he furrowed his brow slightly. She seemed to tense up at his words and inch slightly away. "I didn't for it to come out that way…"

That tone of voice… she realized she had hurt him deeply with her doubt. She didn't mean to, but she had that doubt in the back of her mind… still… even though it was him.

"I'm sorry-" She reached out to him, but he pulled away and jumped off the roof.

"I'm going to check on Urahara and see if he's got that finish yet. Besides… you look like you could use some time away from me." He looked up at her. "Don't take on too much Kuchiki. You're going to crash eventually. Get some rest."

Once he disappeared into the building she pulled her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them. What was she going to do? It was all so hard and she was so tired. She did need rest, but she couldn't leave him alone. Not now. Not when he needed her the most.

She sat there for a while in complete silence, before glancing up to see Ichigo.

"What are you doing up there? Do you want to get sick and die?" He asked with a scowl, hands stuffed in his pockets to ward off the chill from the night air.

She jumped down in front of him and smiled.

"I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah. So… what did you need me here for?" He asked, looking around casually. "I heard it was actually something important."

"Yes, but I can't talk about it out here." Rukia told him and he nodded.

"So… you're staying here…" He said slowly and she detected the slightest hint of… something in his voice. It was mixed with something else and she couldn't exactly make out what emotion it was.

"I am…" She replied uneasily.

"Why?"

"That will be answered once we get inside. It's part of the reason you're here." She waved a hand and to urge him to follow and lead him inside.

Meanwhile Kaien was sitting under the watchful eye of Urahara.

"So… it hurts right now? They're trying to gain control over you?" He asked, rather interested and writing it all down on a pad of paper.

"Yes, yes…" He muttered. "Just… do something already."

"Shiba-san… I have to learn about it before I can make a rational decision on how to handle this." He grinned largely. "Maiyuri was always so unorthodox; you can never count on him to handle things like this. He gets carried away with dissecting."

He rolled his eyes. "Please… just… hurry it up already." He grumbled, becoming irritated.

"Oh, that tone… am I detecting someone else in your voice?" He pondered to himself, writing it down as well.

"I could really care less right now… Urahara…." He growled.

"Right. We'll work on this again tomorrow." He stated, taking Kaien's arm and injecting him carefully with the improved serum. "This should ease the pain much better."

Kaien exhaled slowly and relaxed a bit. He had neglected to tell Rukia that he needed the medication, because she seemed so burdened already.

The door slid open and they quickly acted natural.

"Ichigo… this is Shiba Kaien." Rukia said, stepping aside for Ichigo to enter the room. The two stared at one another in complete silence and it made Rukia a bit nervous at how they might react. "Kaien-dono, meet Kurosaki Ichigo."

XxXxX

TBC...

Major cliffy. Why? Because I'm just evil like that. I don't do big evil, I do small evil. Like this. It's my joy in life and apparently my joy is the readers dismay. This is what I get for taking my mushy brain out and filling my head with pudding.


	10. Ill Met

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N Ahh, thank you Guest. The feedback is much welcomed and appreciated. Because of you, I decided to stay up and quickly finish this next chapter.

XxXxX

The meeting was only that of two people that shared a common dilemma, nothing more. It was clear from the awkward silence that they were sizing each other up.

"So… this guy has a hollow living in him." Ichigo said slowly. "And you have to baby sit… so that's the reason you're not staying at my place."

Rukia froze at that, she hadn't expected Ichigo to give her away, but regardless Kaien's face only changed momentarily, before reverting back to normal.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Kurosaki Ichigo." He said standing up. Kaien offered a cheery smile and offered his hand, but Ichigo didn't take it. "Ehh? What kinda manners are those?"

"Manners? Seriously?" Ichigo scowled. "This guy is a piece of work alright."

"Where I came from you treat people decently with a nice greeting." Kaien crossed his arms over his chest and Rukia could tell this wasn't going to end well.

"If you want me to help you control those hollows, Kaien, then you're going to have to do things my way." Ichigo informed and she noticed Kaien frown a bit.

"What exactly is your way?" His frown only deepened as he spoke.

"One, don't ask stupid questions." Ichigo replied and the two stared one another down, it was a bit easier for Kaien since he was 6'0 and Ichigo was 5'11 it wasn't exactly that big of a difference, but Ichigo seemed to feel intimidated by Kaien's presence here. She was sure Kaien weighed a bit more, but as for Spiritual pressure… they were close. Ichigo had the advantage there, which was where it mattered.

"Okay enough!" Rukia cut in. "Just get to training and see if you can help him get this under control."

They both looked at her as if they had forgotten she was even there and it irritated her, but Ichigo gave her a seemingly hurt look and it made her anger cool down a bit.

"Why are you taking his side?" He asked unhappily.

"Ichigo, I am not taking anyone's side here." Rukia said and glanced over at the abnormally silent Kaien, now even he had a look, but she couldn't identify it, because she had never seen a look like that on his face before. "Shouldn't you two start training now?"

"Yeah. Let's start." Ichigo said and Urahara opened the hatch to the training room. It seemed like it wasn't even after a minute they got into the training area and they had started fighting right away, but bare fisted, not with zanpukutos.

"Hey, now! Let's fight like men, shall we?" Urahara asked, tossing them wooden swords, so they wouldn't kill one another.

Their weapons clashed and it was clear to both Urahara and Rukia that this was not a normal practice fight; they were intending to hurt one another. She didn't understand why… she had thought it would be fine… they both shared the same problem. Why weren't they getting along?

"We should stop them." Rukia decided.

"No. Don't. You'll be hurt in the process." Urahara said quickly. "Don't you feel that? Their hollows are clashing. That's the reason for the aggression."

"You mean-"

"Yes."

"Is it a good thing?" Rukia asked.

"I can't say yet." He replied and they barely dodged the two as they fought their way across the room and slammed into a large rock. For a time the two seemed evenly matched and it appeared it was going to be a stalemate.

Their battle was becoming increasingly violent and that was when Urahara decided it was time to take action. He quickly stepped in-between them and tossed them in opposite directions, twisting the weapons from their hands expertly.

"I think that concludes today's training." Urahara grinned and lead the two up, making sure to keep them in separate rooms.

She decided to deal with Ichigo first since he would need to get home soon. As soon as she stepped into the room she could sense he was bothered.

"Who is that guy? Who is he really? I've never meet him before and yet everyone seems to say he's a shinigami." Ichigo said, he wanted answers.

"Kaien-dono… was my vice-captain long ago. Before I met you… and… there was an incident with a hollow… we were sure he was dead." She replied quietly, it made her tremble slightly to recall it.

He seemed to come to his own conclusion. "Is that so?"

"He's somebody that I care about deeply, Ichigo. Please… if not out of kindness… as a favor to me… please help him. I don't have anyone else to turn to."

He sighed. "Alright, Rukia. I'll help your friend…"

She hugged him quickly. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it." He said quietly. They broke their hug and stepped back slightly. "Oh, and… Inoue wanted me to ask you to come on our camping trip with us."

"I can't leave Kaien alone…" She replied and there was a moment of silence.

"Just… bring him with then." Ichigo told her and she looked at him surprised.

"Alright. I'll go with once I've finished dealing with the hollow problem." She said and he nodded.

"I'll see you later." With that he left quietly. She noticed Ichigo was acting a bit strange, but she couldn't ask right now. Maybe when she saw him next she could bring it up and beat the answers out of his stubborn hide.

She sighed quietly and headed down the hall to see Kaien, however she didn't expect that the second she opened the door she would find herself slammed into the wall with his frame pressed up against her and a dark grin that didn't belong to him.

"Hello, little girl." He breathed breath warm against her face. "It's so good to see you again."

XxXxX

TBC...

Again... I cliffhanger you. Don't worry though. I'll have the next chapter up very soon. It's half done.


	11. Because I Love You, I Must Let You Go

Disclaimer: I do not own this show.

A/N Boom.

XxXxX

"Kaien-dono…" She whispered uneasily.

"Ahhh… Kaien isn't here right now… it's only me." He buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply, shuddering with sick pleasure. "And you smell so good… so innocent… your soul will taste so sweet. The other wants to kill you two, but I'm going to get you first."

"No… Kaien-dono will-" She was cut off as his hand wrapped around her throat tightly.

"No. He can do nothing to stop this." He chuckled darkly. "Ohh, but I'm not going to kill you just yet… first… I'm going to play with you… and when he finds out what he's done… I will bask in his suffering."

"Then I'll stop you." Rukia warned.

"You'll stop me? How do you expect to do that?" He brushed his thumb across her lips, giving her a clear indication of how he wanted to play. "You always want to know what we've done… do you know how many little hollows we've killed? I remember one in particular… just a little girl… we ripped her apart and devoured her… she begged for her life and he cried so long and hard about it. It was so pathetic."

"You're a monster!"

"We are hollow." He snapped back. "He's not so innocent… you should see what he dreams about doing to you himself. It has nothing to do with my influence at all."

"You're lying to play with my head!"

"Am I!?" There was a silence after that and she cautiously reached down to see if she still had some medication stored away, she usually kept some with her just in case. His hand suddenly caught hers and right as her fingertips reached it, she dropped it from his tight grip. "That was a nice try, but you lose this time little girl."

"You're the one that loses hollow!" A voice shouted and Rukia barely had time to register that Ichigo had charged in and tackled the hollow to the ground roughly.

"I-Ichigo?"

"Don't stand there and stutter get his shots!" Ichigo shouted, holding down the snarling hollow. She quickly scrambled to pick the syringe she had dropped and tried to get the needle into Kaien's arm, but the hollow was struggling too much. "You're going to have to forgive me for this."

Ichigo brought his arm up and brought his elbow down hard into Kaien's head and he stopped moving altogether. He pushed Kaien's head aside and took the syringe from her and injected it right into the side of Kaien's throat.

"What the hell happened, Rukia? I thought he was under control."

"I… I don't know…" She replied shakily. "What are you doing here?"

"I forgot my backpack with my schoolwork in it." He replied. "I guess it's a good thing too."

"I haven't had a problem with the hollow…" Rukia replied carefully and he looked at her, before smacking her over the head.

"Don't lie to me idiot! Sheez!" Ichigo scolded, scowling deeply and there was a short silence before Rukia burst into tears. "Wait, I didn't mean to hit you that hard!"

"It's not that… I don't know what to do anymore…" He sniffed. "It's so hard Ichigo… he's stuck with the hollow that murdered his wife inside him and it kills him. I can see it in his eyes."

"Rukia?" He was surprised by all this. "Well… you don't have to deal with this alone anymore. I'm going to help you."

She hugged Ichigo quickly and surprised him, but he slid his arms around her securely as she cried quietly. Unbeknownst to them the shot had brought Kaien around a bit and he peeked an eye open to watch them for a moment, before quickly closing it again. Something about the scene pit a blade against his heart.

It was quietly for a few moments, before she finally pushed herself away. "Thank you, Ichigo."

"You don't have to shoulder this on your own, Rukia. I'm going to help you from now on. We'll fix your friend." He looked at the time and winced.

"Go ahead and go home. I know it's late for you."

He nodded and quickly got up, grabbing his bag from the hallway and running home. It felt awkwardly silent with Ichigo gone and Rukia couldn't help, but feel a bit lonely. She heard the slight rustle of fabric as Kaien sat up. For some reason… she just couldn't look at him.

"I'm so sorry, Rukia." At his words she suddenly realized he had heard everything. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Kaien-dono…" His voice was so pitiful and broken, it made her heart ache.

"Kuchiki… if you want to stay with Kurosaki go ahead. I think it would be better if you weren't around me. It's too much… and I don't want to hurt you." He told her and she didn't speak or move. What could she do?

"Kaien-dono… I can't. I have to watch you."

"You don't have to do anything. Just go." He paused for a moment and turned around to face with his back to her. "Urahara can watch me."

"I… I'll go then…" She slowly stood up and every movement was too loud in the quiet of the room. It made this so much harder then it needed to be.

"And Kuchiki… why did you lie to me?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You said you stayed here on assignment… but Kurosaki said you stay with him." There was more silence as she didn't answer. "Don't make a face."

She blinked in surprise, how did he even know she was making a face when he wasn't looking at her? Is it possible for him to know her so well?

"I can see you in the mirror." He stated and then her eyes widened. How the hell did he even know what she was thinking? "You're too easy to read Kuchiki. Just go on and get somewhere safe, because if you stay… the hollow will kill you."

She walked up and kneeled behind him, quickly wrapping her arms around him from behind. He furrowed his brow.

"Please, stay safe, Kaien-dono." She started to pull away, but he set his hand over hers and held up his fist in front of him.

"Take my heart with you, Kuchiki. I can't take it where I'm going." He told her firmly and she glanced into his eyes through the mirror. There was something there, something determined.

"Okay, Kaien-dono. I'll keep it safe for you."

"That a girl. Now get." He said firmly and she pulled back and grabbed her bag before running off quickly. Once she was gone and lowered his fist and looked down at the ground. He was on his own now, but it was time to carry his own weight now. Rukia needed to be set free from his burden.

XxXxX

TBC...


	12. A Heart So Distant

Disclaimer: I do not own this. If I did Bleach would be about Kaien and his awesomeness.

A/N If there are mess ups, it's because I am posting at four in the morning... couldn't sleep... so... here we are.

XxXxX

It had been two days since Rukia had left Kaien with Urahara. It was still always prying at the back of her mind, but she was too focused on her assignment and clearing out the hollows to be worrying about so many things. She had to force it from her mind otherwise she wouldn't be able to do her job.

As far as she knew Ichigo had still been going to train with Kaien, but neither of them had wanted her there during it. She had the feeling they thought she was fragile after all this, which was irritating her to no end.

She sighed deeply. Where were they now? Was Kaien alright? Had his hollow taken over? She didn't know anything and it bothered her to no end even after she had already told herself she couldn't be worrying about this while working.

It was oddly silent on her patrol, however. This sudden realization made her stop mid-step and look around cautiously. It was too quiet. So quiet she could hear her own breathing and the slight rustle of her uniform as the breeze swept in. She was becoming uneasy now.

She waited for the space of two breathes, before continuing on. Dwelling in one spot for too long wasn't a good idea at all.

Meanwhile…

"You know when I first met you… I thought you were annoying." Ichigo began. "And you still are, but at least you're tolerable now."

Kaien's eye twitched slightly. "Thanks…"

"Anyway… I have a good idea of some people that can help. Rukia doesn't exactly trust them, but they helped me with my problem. So maybe they can help you out too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We're going to go see them today." Ichigo got up and waved a hand for Kaien to follow. He hated following Kurosaki, but he did so. Only to get this hollow problem under control, otherwise he wouldn't. This kid was just too cocky for his liking. Or maybe there was another reason he didn't like him. He didn't know.

"You drive. I don't have a license and you look older…" He said, getting in and Kaien rubbed the back of his head in confusion.

"Well… okay." He stared at the vehicle.

"I will tell you how to drive, just get in will ya'? Even an idiot can drive." There was a silence, before Kaien got into the car, feeling his male pride in jeopardy. He would show this kid alright. He half listened half figured it out on his own as Ichigo dully explained the basics and pulled his seatbelt on.

Kaien started the car, but jumped slightly startled by the engine starting. Ichigo smirked in the passenger seat and it only irritated Kaien. He put his foot down and the car roared forward.

"Ah! What the hell!?" Ichigo shouted, hanging onto the seat. "Hit the brakes!"

"I don't know how!" Kaien yelled back, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

"Take your foot off the gas!"

"The what?!"

"Turn! Turn! Turn!"

"I don't know how to do that either!"

"The steering wheel you asshole!"

"The what?!"

"Oh, my God! We're going to die!"

All the way on the other side of the town Rukia paused, that was a strange burst of spiritual pressure. It felt oddly like Ichigo and Kaien.

She worried what the two of them could be stirring up together. Sighing deeply, she checked once more for any singes of hollows, before running off to check in with Urahara and see what he knew. What she didn't expect was the surprise she got when she arrived.

"What happened!?" She asked right away, seeing the crashed car and Ichigo and Kaien being inspected by a medic, with an officer writing a report down.

"Well… it seems they had a small accident when driving. A cat ran out in front of them." Urahara said, winking at Yoruichi as she purred while being held by a firefighter. The look on Urahara's face indicated something else had happened. It was one of his mischievous looks and she didn't like it one bit.

She impatiently waited for the authorities to leave, before Urahara explained it all to her. She wasn't happy with hearing a word of it when she stood in front of Ichigo and Kaien with her arms crossed.

"What were you thinking?!"

"I was just trying to help him…" Ichigo defended.

"You let him drive?!" Rukia asked, outraged with their recklessness. "And why would you even try to drive when you didn't know what you were doing? Are you two insane?!"

"I remember the days I was the one yelling at you." Kaien commented slowly and Rukia gave him a death glare. If looks could kill he would be dead ten times over. "Such a scary look on your face. What happened to that cute little shy girl, hmm?"

"Rukia? Shy?" Ichigo burst out laughing. "Yeah, right!"

Kaien frowned slightly and glanced back and forth between the two of them, completely confused.

"Kaien-dono… I'd rather you didn't bring up the past in front of Ichigo." Rukia said and his face fell completely. He was so confused. Why…? He didn't get it at all. Were his memories wrong?

Even Ichigo had stopped laughing at the sudden tension he felt in the area. Something struck him suddenly. "Is… is there… between the two of you…?"

"Of course not, Ichigo." Rukia said and did her best to ignore the looks she was receiving from Kaien. It made her feel slightly guilty. "Kaien-dono was my teacher."

Was? Kaien slowly got up. "I better get my shot now." He forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes as he headed in. the second he was alone he scowled. He was… jealous of Ichigo. That was something he didn't understand. Why? He had never been jealous of anyone.

It was high time to admit that dark side of him that had nothing to do with the hollows, which had been there all those years ago that always, craved her attention and admiration. He had always wanted to be there for her and protect her and make her feel worth something. He was always completely satisfied with their relationship as it was.

But now everything was different. His feelings were starting to be different whether he wanted to admit it or not. He turned into the darkness to retreat to his room.

Rukia sighed and sat down besides Ichigo. "Don't do such stupid stuff ever again." She warned, half threatening and also half absent from reality.

She felt guilty for saying that, after seeing the look in Kaien's eyes. Now even Ichigo was uncomfortable hearing that. She was so confused on her feelings; she pushed Kaien away from her. She pushed him far away and he was too broken inside to try and fix it and tease her into letting him back into her heart.

It was part of the reasons he could push him away so freely, because she knew he wasn't going to even try, but now she also had to deal with Ichigo. She wondered when this all became so complicated.

XxXxX

TBC...


End file.
